压抑的好像快要溢出来了！

这几天压抑着的情绪好像快要溢出来了。可能前几天很多考试，所以情绪都放在一边。可是，等下就要考最后一张了。昨晚，一个人静静地躺在床上，满脑子都是selina。我是不是太过火了呢？即使是很喜欢的偶像也不至于这样的牵动着我的情绪吧？如果有一张机票，我可能会飞过去。我是不是潜意识当他们是朋友呢？会不会是一种不正常？

Just an update for my life.

Recently i had discovered one thing from myself. Actually i am the type which easily be touched by some tiny matters. I cry because my super idol being hurt by stupid fire, i cry because there have many things have to be done in the short time,i cry because i am homesick,i cry because i miss my parents a lot,although sometimes i feel frustrated to pick up their calls,because i am in low mood mode or busy for something.However,if one day, they don't call me anymore,i am pretty sure that i'll be so scare of losing them. I really feel like can always with them, because they're not healthy as last time, coz they're getting older and older and they don't know how to read, it's really hard for them to handle those documents. How do i choose?I choose to work in Ipoh next time?Although i hope that i can work at big city like KL or Penang.I need a good answer. Maybe one day i can get an answer.Praying...
Maybe some others can't really understand that why i am so care about my idol,because she's a an artist.Whereas, for me, their very important.Since i like them for almost 6 years, i really rely on them,i need them when i am sad, disappointed and lonely. I can't imagine that they suddenly leave me(die), how will i gonna be.It's childish?NO! This is my way for me to rely on when i am alone but facing the difficulty. Selina, really really hope you can be fine soon.Praying...
Stress!I hate you!Because of you, i feel difficult to breath,because of you,i got nightmare, because of you,i feel like wanna run oway.BUT,sometimes,i love you too!Because of you, i can stand stronger and stronger,because of you, i get improved and improved.I hope i can love you more that hate you,so that my life can become more happy and enjoyable.Praying...
When everything that i cannot solve it,i will throw those question to Heaven. Since i am willing to become a follower of Heaven,because i believe on it. BELIEVE HARD!
My passage seems like have no structure at all.Hmm...i am really weak in writing,espeacially in write in English. Please forgive me,i know,it's many grammar mistake..i am improving...

控制不到的事情太多了，习惯就好！

如果上天给我一个愿望，我会想要控制自己的幸福。但在想想，如果幸福可以被控制的话，那我们就不会珍惜它。就因为幸福不能被控制，不能被掌握，所以才会那么的珍贵。我会得到最终的幸福吗？这个问题，我暂时不会去想，因为，现在的我已觉得自己很幸福。我真的懂事了！我学会了珍惜身边拥有的一切。就算是不完整，但至少我比很多人拥有的来的多。以前的我觉得很孤单，很寂寞，很沮丧。一个人吃饭的感觉让我觉得很难受，一个人过周末让我觉得很委屈。我尽量让自己不要去习惯一个人的感觉，因为我怕习惯了，会再也不需要另一半。说短一点，我怕自己嫁不出。我甚至有一个愿望，就是要找一个我真正爱和爱我的人去看SHE演唱会。我，不想再等待了。我，终于都学会独立。我，不再期待爱情的来临。我不是不想再去爱人，只是太多事我控制不到了。如果我的他还不来，没关系，因为我已学会一个人吃饭，我出门时会带雨伞，我有一双有力的双臂，我有朋友，我有家人，我会一个人读书，我会提醒自己多喝水，我学着自己面对压力，学着自己一个人去看戏，逛街。。。我学着照顾自己。如果他还不出现，我会自己去看SHE，把我的一切一切，开心的，不开心的，记下来，等他出现才与他分享。但我不会等他去陪我完成我想做的事情，因为，我不能控制时间，我还是自私和骄傲的我，我不想为了他而遗憾终身。